But I've never lived/socialised in the gay ghetto or wore the latest clone uniform, or even been particularly limp-wristed, not that there's anything wrong with these different behaviours, homosexual acts cab be experienced by many personality types, from all walks of life; what I'm indicating is that I try not to totally identify as a "homosexual", a noun rather than a verb, (as Gore Vidal droned on about.). I interest myself in many other worldly activities for a major part of my life, such as.art, politics, science and history, and surfing pop culture via current affairs, literature, movies, rock'n'roll and techno/trance music. All this had me running with an eclectic crowd, artists and anarchists of all persuasions, mostly so-called straight, where sexuality wasn't an issue.
I have always adored women and most of my best friends are such, not fag hags, just good friends and great company. Looking back on my life I realised that when i was younger I had sex/heavy petting with many women without thinking much about it, and didn't identify myself as Bi-sexual either then, I was more open and just did it. I'm ecstatically homo oriented but I just wasn't hung up about who I was with, if it felt good and I liked them a lot, we mucked about. The last 21 years or so I've become much more rigid in my ways, thru fear, discomfort, shyness, I haven't got it on with girls tho I hang out with some beauties. If a lithe, attractive, smart woman took me by the hand and the environment was right, I'd attempt to experience such love, but I'm old and gronky and haven't been that lucky, and would probably freak out, especially if there was pressure to perform.
For example, once when I was about 31 back in 1981 I met a hot blond woman at a punk rock gig, we'd met before but on that night we particularly hit it off as if our mohawks were on fire and, being smart and punk-pushy, she insisted on coming back to my squat in Pyrmont with me after the band packed it in. She wanted to conquer a poof I guess. We indulged in heavy kissing, like two succubi stuck on each other, and I got lost in the embrace, it was succulent and erotic. Then she tried to suck my flaccid cock to arouse it into action, she vacuumed it for hours but nothing happened, I couldn't get it up for her no matter how hard she sucked, I was set like jelly in my homo ways, I loved the intimacy of embracing her but I didn't feel to fuck her. I then made a huge faux-pas by trying to pull a long hair from a mole on her face, it wouldn't come out no matter how hard I tugged and she screamed in pain, "Leave it be, I've got a hair on my chin, so what, does it make me any less a woman?" I never saw her again after that night.
For all this blabbing and fantasising and semantics, which Bert Archer in "The End of Gay" himself gets hung up and lost in, there's no getting away from the fact that men have and will always turn me on bad, their cocks, muscles, hairy bodies, masculine behaviour, funky pheromones, all get my guts churning in ways that girls never will. So, I might not be a classic gay, in fact many of us may be over IT, but our behaviours are still polymorphous erotic, fixating particularly on certain fetishistic items that tend to center on specific gender, and that's what makes us horny, happening individuals.
I can only talk freely like this and behave in such erotic fashion because I live in a free democracy like Auz where, after years of struggle, we won the right to express ourselves equally with the rest of society as gays,in 1983. This is denied, even brutalised in many parts of the world, Asia, the Middle East, Africa, Eastern Europe, so the fight must continue worldwide, for all of us. A fight against conservative forces like fundamentalist Christians and Muslims who'd like to see ecstatic, sexually-active people wiped from the map, the activity not just the identity. And that ongoing struggle can be done collectively and individually by enjoying one's orgiastic life to the full, whether labels are eschewed or worn proudly on the chest. We've still got to fight for our freedoms as every day they're eroded. Equality in marriage is the battle of the moment, for all that it's an outmoded Het institution not guaranteeing happiness, let the GLBTs find that out for themselves after they get married. (To me GLBT sounds like a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich.)
Even in the 21st century, so many movies and pop songs have a disparaging remark about "homos", "fags", "fairies", we're always less than zero, it's so disheartening, Gay Lib paid lip service to while around the corner gay bashing continues. For youngsters "gay" is a dirty word, "Oh, it's so gay!" they say as a put down. Maybe they mean those snippy, girly stereo-types, who have even stabbed me in the back, in the workforce, in the competition for the few arts grants awarded disenfranchised minorities. Bitchy poofs can be so annoying but they've got to stick together and somehow armor themselves against the wall of hate penning them in their ghettos.
"He's a bitter queen", you say. "So what, live and let live," I say! I can't say I'm proud to be Gay, that sounds trite, I am what I am, I was born and grew that way, it's a hard reality, I fight to be me, I'm a warrior, I love my own sex, big deal! In Sydney I'm over Gay Lib but still have to punk sneer "gayness" into the faces of all the low-brow's who get in my way. I pray I survive my campaign, the bigoted morons are everywhere, around the world.
