Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Superman Regurgitates.

As a madman ever trying to escape reality, i.e. the world full of people, I've hid out in movie theaters, like most people, and lived other lives from other dimensions. Oh how I love to ge lost in thedark and mesmerised by flickering shadows, scintillating lights, and stirring music.

For the 7 thousandth  time I've just gotten out of the theatre and yet again I feel ripped off by Hollywood, for "Superman Returns" should have been called "Superman Takes a Galactic Dump": the equivalent of cinematic junk food, I've got the farts now I'm trying to digest all the silly mythic guff. Not even sci-fi, as an alien he's still able to propagate with a totally different species, like Kate Bonksworth. He looks more like a gay icon to me, great eye candy but not enough to save the dreary plot of Lex Luther yet again hankering after real estate. I read all the comic books as a kid and they had a soul of mystique in them with lurid alien villains, the planet Krypton, shrunken cities in a bell-jar, the League of Super-heroes that met in a mysterious tower etc, all of which was passed by for this humdrum neo-religious twaddle of wishful dreaming for a saviour of the world's ills.

But not even J.C. could do it, and certainly humanity is too collectively stupid to save itself, supremo capitalist overlords will continue to profit from wars and plagues and bad movies, and we the masses will be herded to our graves with barely a bleat of intelligent comment, happily munching on stale popcorn while being slaughtered. On my shlockometer gizmo the movie barely rates 5 'dings', no cool monsters, no rock'n'roll sound track, no creepy chills, just Kevin Spacey's ubiquitous homo nastiness, (ever noticed how many of the great cinematic villains are 'gay' = Charles Laughton as Captain Bligh in "Mutiny on the Bounty" and Lord Fatgut in "Jamaica Inn", Frank Thring as Herod and Pontius Pilate in the '50s Biblical epics, Robert Helpman as the Kiddie-catcher in "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang", as if their hideous homo natures shone through their acting and able to portray quintessential wickedness and evil.)

Superman's flat crotch was a disappointment, they could've at least given us the outline of his knob, then we could've really believed he'd bonked Louis Lane and not be a neutered automatom saving us like some new techno-gadget saving consumer capitalism. Boring! I'll save myself, if I can, for no one else is going to, otherwise it's bite the interstellar dust and wake up in a new life on another planet, maybe Krypton.