Monday, May 29, 2006

The Haunting of Mr.Foibles.

If I was an X-Man I would be called Mr. Foibles for the fact that I'm a mix of high ideals and ignoble bitchiness. If my own desires are thwarted, like getting the work I need, I squeal like a stuck pig and give off bad vibrations that have the potential to ignite fires and freeze hearts. My stint at Murderith House is a case in point for I let out all my shit, imagining I'd been done hard by, when the people concerned had other agendas of course, for we're all stuck, seething, in our own universes. I thought 'They' had it IN for me, but 'They' had bigger worries, I don't even exist, and I cursed 'Them' more than 'They' deserved, I'm sorry, it just shows what a "real fucking idiot" I can be. When I needed a job reference 'They' gave me one unstintingly, a rave review, and saved my working life. I've now got employment with a Saint and have one last tale to tell of Murderith House, for I'll likely never go back there.

The last night I was on duty at lovely Murderith House, just after midnight, my female Polynesian assistant came running up to me, eye-balls rolling, jumping out of her skin to remind me that all the doors should be locked, gazing up the corridors as if into Hell. As I went to secure the front door I heard my other Fuzzy Wuzzy assistant ask her who she was talking to. They both came back to me and, eye-balls popping, announced they'd both seen me gazing thru the glass door at the other end of the corridor, the spectre then flitting into the outside kitchen. "But I've been here all the time, what are you talking about?" "We both seen it plain as day, a pale figure looking at us!" I rushed up the corridor and explored the outside kitchen, starkly empty, except for my own 3D existential haunting.

It just so happened that the TV in the lounge room gave off eerie music, "oooooooohhhhhhhh, dah dah dah daaaaaaahhhhh!" lilting thru the nursing home to add hair-raising sound effects to the mysterious appearance of the shade. I looked at my assistants with their bugaboo eyes and said, "I knew the day I clapped eyes on this renovated witch's cottage of a nursing home, it was haunted! But don't worry, I'm not easily daunted, I'll tackle whatever comes!" (Of course, if there's gonna be a ghost trap anywhere in this world, a vortex of spectral hauntings, i would have to be an old nursing home for thousands have died there.) My assistants gave me a skeptical look and went about their business. From then on I couldn't settle, every reflection, glimmer, squeak and light beam made me jump, my flesh crawl, my mind imagining wraiths swirling in the corner of my eye.

Just after 1am there was a loud "Ring! Ring!" at the front door. We never got visitors at that ungodly hour and I jumped in the air, my nerves frayed for I could see a tall wavering figure thru the frosted glass. I crept to the door and slowly swung it open, and there stood a tall dark phantom wearing some kind of uniform. My eyeballs popped as I thought, "Oh shit, the ghost of a cop has come to get me!" The guy looked at my stricken pale face and said, "I've come to deliver a patient from the hospital." I stared at him stupidly, couldn't focus on the reality, my mind in turmoil from his wraith-like arrival. "What? What do you mean?" He glared at me like I was a raving lunatic, as if thinking the nurses in this place were as batty as the demented oldies. "I've come to deliver a patient. Where's the ambulance entrance?" I quickly realized he was in reality an AMBULANCE DRIVER and not a ghost and I got my shit together to give him proper directions, feeling like a right fool. Shit! Murderith House was getting to me, time to move on, get a better job in a newer facility.